who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
