I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
