So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think my fart just growled at me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
