So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
