Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
