dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
