There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
