and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
