Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
