Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
