Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
