I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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