OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
tell me about the eggs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
