This girl is more easily done than said...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
