Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
