I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
