dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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