Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
