Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
