You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
