Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
