What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
