so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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