I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
