He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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