you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
