I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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