I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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