His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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