We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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