the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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