He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
