You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
