You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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