dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My ass is underappreciated
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
