Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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