dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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