Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
