The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
