i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
