im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Less talking, more tequila
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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