I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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