"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
