hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
should my penis look like a turkey
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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