My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
