he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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