i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
