I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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