the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
