it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
