not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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