We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
