Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
