oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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