I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
