Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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