genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
